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Storybook Comment Wall

here is a link to my storybook, enjoy! :)



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Early Indian Art. Source


Comments

  1. Hi Ida! Your introduction was great! It felt like it was the teaser of a new, blockbuster television show and it definitely piqued my interest and curiosity! Sita is a fascinating character in the Ramayana and I was disappointed to see that we didn't get to learn more about her character in the original story, but I hope we do in your storybook! I think Sita has a quiet strength, but we didn't really get to see her truly stand up for herself until the end of her story. Your concept is creative and cool! I'm interested to see other routes of Sita's story if she was protected by a goddess. I think it would be a good opportunity to see how Sita would develop as a person outside of Rama. Can't wait to see what you come up with!

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  2. Howdy Ida, hope all is well. You did a great job structuring this intro; it was really fun being introduced to the story in this way as it allows the reader to reframe the story, whilst still keeping the origin in mind. It’s a fun idea to spin that original story of Agni emerging with Sita, in a typical relevant god explaining her purity to another man, to a more modernized equivalent. The idea of having female deities emerge alongside Sita to jointly defend her honor to Rama is a fun spin, as it seems to bring the story up to speed in a fun way. I am curious to hear how this story will evolve via the presence of the female gods. Are you thinking of covering only that episode and having it delved into in more detail and expanded, or including it, but looking past it and showing the connection Sita has with these goddesses? Either way, exciting stuff, good luck!

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  3. Hi Ida!

    First of all, the layout of your story book is absolutely stunning! It is so pretty I find myself in a bit of a shock. I am horrible at this layout design and figuring out how to inset different graphics and everything, so it is really nice to see other storybooks that make it look so easy. The idea surrounding your whole story is so beautiful and it is fun to read empowering stories about iconic female figures. I wonder if there are any other female figures within the Indian Epics realm that could be included in these tails? It would be cool to see as many characters as possible. What if these women all had their own different stories you could tell and how they come together with Sita? It would be so awesome to read! I am excited to continue reading your future stories!!

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  4. Hi Ida! Your introduction is awesome. I loved the author's note, but it is really small and hard to read. I would suggest you increase the size! I also saw it is on every page. I do not know if you are aware of that, but just something to note. Umm but this idea is phenomenal! I think it is not only creative, but current and modern thinking. What if Sita was supported by strong women? When reading the Ramayana I could not help but wish Sita would just stand up and tell Rama to get in line haha. If someone did not 100% trust me after walking through a fire, I would just keep walking out the door. Sita's character really tells us a lot about who she is and the culture. With that said, I am excited to see you challenge it with other characters. I cannot wait to keep reading this. It is a great spin and I have so many questions. Well done

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  5. Hi Ida!
    I love your introduction. I think there were some grammatical errors. You can definitely catch them by just reading your story out loud. I am just a bit confused by the beginning. What is Chaya Sita? Did I just miss it when reading the Ramayana? I love the section that is brown. The layout looked so great and very aesthetically pleasing. Also, I agree with you about what you said in your author's note! Why is Rama the hero of the story? I definitely think Sita was. She risked a lot to be with Rama and she is barely even talked about. I love the Druga story and how at the end, she fought Rama! What a twist! I am guessing they didn't get back together huh. Rama was probably too scared or embarrassed to be with her. Sita doesn't need a man though, but doesn't Rama need a predecessor? Some things to think about!
    Ready for updates.

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  6. Hello Ida!

    I just read your intro and I’m excited to read your other works. I appreciate your idea of empowering women by including Sita and those Goddesses. In my recent story, I used Ganga as well. Check my story out and see how I incorporated her; maybe it’ll give you some inspiration. Anyways, for starters, the first paragraph of your intro kind of confused me. I wasn’t sure of what was going on. After I read a couple times over, I kind of understood then. Also, I’m not sure who Chaya Sita is. I might’ve missed it somewhere in your writing or I probably just don’t remember it from the original story. I also liked how you included those three elements. I’m a huge fan of the basic elements and it adds such a natural vibe to the overall story. After reading the fight, I think there are some details that could make your story stronger. Rama and Sita are supposed to be in love and after reading Rama’s story, I know that he’s a calm and level-headed person. He doesn’t resort to fighting unless provoked. So when he is faced with Sita, I think you should describe how Rama felt battling Sita. I assume Rama would feel torn apart. Also, it’d be cool to add some more dialogue between Rama and Sita during their battle. Moments where Rama is begging Sita to stop yet Sita continues to fight him would show how serious Sita is about standing up for herself; dialogue would further develop the characters. Overall, great story and keep it up.

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  7. Hey Ida,
    I really like you topic for you project!! Just reading the home page has me very intrigued to continue on. Your introduction is very good at drawing the reader in. The section with the question about what if she emerged with a goddess is super strong and empowering. I think your layout in your intro page is a great way to draw the eye and emphasize what your project is really about. I also really liked your author's note in your intro to fully explain why doing this is so important to you. The Durga story was written so well. I liked that it was mostly dialogue and was easy to understand and even imagine what was happening. When you had Rama and Sita start fighting, I was shocked at first, but how you wrote the story, by letting us hear Sita's inner thoughts, really helped me understand the internal struggle Sita had and how strong you made her character. I also really liked the Saraswati story. The plot twists and differences from the original story to your stories are done seamlessly have your fighting and rooting for Sita to get what she deserves. Overall, I really enjoyed your project and can't wait to read Ganga's story!

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  8. Hi Ida! I love the inspiration for your project! The world could always use some more feminine power. Your introduction did a good job of giving a recap for those of us who have previously read the stories, but a quick mention of who each of the characters is would be helpful for anyone who wanders over from the myth and folklore class. I especially liked the emphasis you out on the "But Wait!" section. The change in background color was a nice touch! Your first story, featuring Durga, is very well written. The only critique I would have is that Sita has shown very little combat skills previously compared the Rama, who is a great warrior. I would recommend leaning into the use of the celestial weapons a little harder. Was Sita granted the skills by Durga along with the weapons? Were the weapons fighting on their own? Did Durga project herself into Sita's body to ensure she would win? Your second story is just as good. I appreciate that you chose to preserve Sita's compassion. Other than a few minor typos, I think this one really works! I'm super excited to see how Ganga's story comes out. Great work!

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  9. Hello Ida! Your story got recommended to me by professor Gibbs after she had read my story I did on an alternate history Sita. I love the paths you're taking in this storybook and think you're doing a great job at making them fit in with what we've read in the Ramayana. Specifically your story with Durga sticks out to me as it's all about empowerment of Sita and women. It always feels good to kind of put Rama in his place after all that he did in the Ramayana. Keeping key parts of Sita's character really makes us feel like this could have happened under different circumstances. Going forward, maybe we could get a little extra backstory into what lead to the moments you talk about. If someone were to come in and read this without knowing what happened in the Ramayana, would they feel the same impact that we who have read it would? I like the ideas you've got going here and I'm glad professor Gibbs mentioned your story!

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  10. Hey Ida!

    This was such a cool theme for a storybook and the first two stories are amazing!
    In "Durga," I loved that you turned Sita into a warrior! So cool! I did wonder how Rama, a seasoned fighter, could lose to Sita, even if she had all those extra weapons. Did she actually train with Rama during the 13 year exile? Did Durga grant her power and skill in combat? That part of the story seems to need a little bit more detail but I loved the new direction you took Sita in! So different but so interesting!

    In "Saraswati," I personally liked this one better (just because I am more of a nerd than a fighter myself haha). I did notice one mistake in the sentence: "question your integrity as a husband.," just an extra period there! Overall though, I thought you had a great opportunity to contrast Saraswati's more gentle empowerment with Durga's aggressive empowerment. You do a great job of showing that with Sita's actions, but you also might want to look into putting this theme into Saraswati's dialogue! Your first description of her words as "like music" was great as a gentle but powerful voice. I thought that all the sentences withe exclamation marks made Saraswati seem too forceful to have a musical force, so maybe replace some of those punctuations. Also, you don't seem to use many 'said' verbs, and that would also be a good way to characterize Saraswati! Maybe shoot for a 'said verb (cooed, whispered, urged, etc.) every other dialogue! Good luck!

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  11. Howdy again Ida,

    It's fun revisiting this storybook after more stories have been added to it. I like the sense of parallelism you establish through the multiple retellings. The added flair of the dialogue being essentially identical until the decisive moment is fun & allows the reader to get the sense of the break occurring within fire itself, which is an awesome feature. It's fun being able to see into the process and the role of each god individually as they offer council to Sita within the flames. I felt in the original story she goes in and comes out almost as the same person, without really any distinction or empowerment, which did not fully sit right with me as it seems to defeat the purpose of the trial by fire in the first place. Your project allows the reader a stronger female character in multiple evolutions, as she comes out of the flames stronger in a specific sense each time. This is a really neat project and I really enjoyed coming back to it once it had more written in. Best of luck closing down this bizarre semester and in all endeavours.

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  12. Ida, I love that your entire storybook is about Sita. I feel like there is so much we can learn from her and like you mention, the Goddesses around her. Speaking about your design, I really like your header pattern. I think it’s feminine enough, yet the pattern has so much going on, it could even symbolize the chaos of Sita’s life. One thing I particularly like about the “intro” page, is the grey block question you have. I think that’s a great way to lead your reader onto what you're going to explore next. If possible, I think that would be a cool stylistic thing to keep going on your other pages. Maybe each block has a question that leads to your next story? One other suggestion about the format is that on Durga and Saraswati pages, there seem to be big spaces between the texts. This may just be my thing, but if you delete some of the extra space between the sentences, I think it could make your pages look even cleaner! Overall, I think you have done a great job, both with the format and your stories!!

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  13. Hi Ida, Your storybook is very interesting, I’ve always like Sita too and a large portion is because she chose to follow Rama into exile. The overall look of your storybook is so cohesive and pretty. I love the shades of color that you chose to tie everything together, especially in the paisley print that is on every page. The paisley image for the background is not overwhelming since you used it as a banner at the top. Each image on the separate pages are colorful and vivid but still go well with the banner picture. I think it all looks great together and goes with the delicate and pretty theme that matches Sita’s character well. The image for Durga is the only one that kind of stands out as odd but only because it seems like it has been stretched slightly too big, making it look pixelated. The sizes on the other pages like the introduction and Saraswati are perfect sizes and aren’t too big for the screen. Your storybook is lovely and I’m excited for the last story. – Jillienne Kirkpatrick

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  14. Hi Ida,
    Your storybook caught my eye because mine is also (partly) about Sita! It looks at the bigger picture of the incarnations of the goddess Lakshmi, Sita being one. I like that you took the story of Sita and retold to put her in a better position. Sita was treated very unfairly and I am glad you decided to resolve that with your storybook! Being subjected to being kidnapped, and having to "prove" her purity to Rama time and time again and still being shunned in the end did not sit well with me. It is so strange to see Sita and Rama actually fight because they are forever meant to be each other's consorts but that is the magic of storybooks! You can make any type of story you want and I think it is interesting that you took it in this direction as it is something that you would normally never think about.

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  15. Hi, Ida!
    This week, I am focusing on author's notes, but I want to mention a couple things first. I love your website design! It is so clean and reads well while also incorporating your photos. Your light pink tones are so subtly feminine to fit Sita's energy. Additionally, I love your story! I love your siding with Sita and making her into the heroine in your story. Looking at your author's notes, I learned a lot about the background of Sita and your interest in her. They were all well written and provided any information needed to add to your story. The one thing I noticed was a small spelling error of 'strengths" on your Intro page. Aside from that, they were helpful! Overall, your story flows well, and I love the twist of having Rama and Sita against one another. The subtle feminine designs helps drift into the next page of reading.

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  16. Hi Ida!
    When reading Ramayana, I loved Sita's character development and the plot that surrounded he, especially with Rama. Throughout Ramayana, she was so steadfast and loyal to Rama within his exile despite all the ways she was tempted. I love this idea of focusing on only her, and it feels like when reading your portfolio, I even had an intimate connection with her character. And what better way to end Sita's story by amending it with powerful women along her side. In my opinion, this ending to her story was more satisfying and fulfilling than the original ended, which made me feel bad for her after all she went through. I love how Lakshimi did bring her a new power or a new characteristic. The goddess was more coming to realization of what already existed in Sita herself. I loved this, and I thought it was a very profound and unexpected way to end this story. Fantastic job!

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